Saturday, November 14, 2015

The Inglourious Dr. Ben

I suppose Ben Carson can use Quentin Tarrantino's WWII pulp fiction to prove his point that if Jews had guns they could have defended themselves from the Holocaust, or better yet won World War II.  This is the case Tarrantino makes in his movie, albeit the band of Jewish resistance fighters is led by an elite American special forces fighter with a Kentucky accent, covertly assigned to the mission by his commanding officers.  Lt. Aldo Raine literally brings down a reign of terror on the Nazis with a team of crack shots, vicious killers and a gargantuan "Bear Jew," who does Nazis in with a baseball bat, offering up his kills to Ted Williams.  As far as movies go it is pretty good until the utterly absurd ending, but then so are Ben Carson's stories.

That's why I suggest Armstrong Williams, the good doctor's business consultant, contact Tarrantino and enlist him to make a biography of Carson.  Gifted Hands was child's play.  Dr. Ben needs far more artistic creativity here, putting him at the center of historical events, maybe even give him a time machine so that he can go back and rewrite history himself, as he said he would do with "Baby Hitler."  He can also highlight the time he worked undercover as a secret agent with Doctors Without Borders in the Middle East, which is why he is privy to so much inside information like China's involvement in Syria, which his campaign has vowed to release soon.

While the White House was speechless, Donald Trump launched into a 95-minute rant on the "pathological" doctor, red faced with anger that Iowans could be so stupid to even think of voting for Carson, and he had a belt buckle to prove it.  The Donald also fired broadsides at the other candidates that left his normally raucous audience speechless, not sure whether to boo or applaud some of his more outlandish claims.  You can't blame the reality show king for being upset that his stage has been intruded upon by such a "super low energy" guy who quietly thinks of himself as a superhero.  There is only room for one superhero on stage and that's the Trump the Avenger, as hell has no fury like a mop of red hair when unleashed on an unsuspecting crowd.

If you ask yourself how far this presidential reality show can go, it can go very far.  Dr. Carson has only just begun to enjoy the limelight as we see the Donald flame out before our eyes.  Waiting in the wings is Ted Cruz, who hopes to pick up the Trump vote and eventually the Carson vote when the good doctor flames out as well.  I think Carson can extend his trajectory by playing up the superhero part.

The covert special agent is the perfect way to go here, revealing all sorts of juicy information about international foreign policy that even the White House doesn't know about.  He can quote passages from Ezekiel 25:17 like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.  Hell, his campaign can even get Jackson to play him (Jackson will play anyone), unless of course the good doctor wants to assume his role himself like Private Frederick Zoeller did in Inglourious Basterds, although it wasn't a very good ending for him, albeit very poetic.

Let's have some fun Dr. Ben.  Let's make an "artisanal hagiography" out of your life's story!

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