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Worst 250th Anniversary Ever


It was bad enough Vanilla Ice got cancelled as a result of thunderstorms, but the whole party came down to a fireworks show that looked like a 6-second reel put on replay for 40 minutes. Trump, who promised to speak until 4 in the morning if he had to, lasted just shy of 40 minutes, turning the celebration into another one of his screeds as he railed against "communists" and other foul creatures raining on his parade.

This celebration was doomed from the start but only got worse as it creeped closer to the big day. There was only a feeble attempt to rid the reflecting pool of algae. In the end, the park service put a big construction fence around the pool so that curious visitors wouldn't stick their hands into the toxic sludge that had already killed numerous ducks thinking it might be a marsh. The massive quantity of hydrogen peroxide only served to further erode the special blue paint that flaked off in chunks, but authorities continue to claim someone went at it with a box cutter, arresting 6 possible suspects including a former Olympian, who was subsequently indicted for vandalism for taking a selfie holding one of these chunks of blue paint.

Through it all, the Vandal-in-Chief, who drove his massive motorcade, including the 5-ton Beast, down the middle of the reflecting pool before the new lining had properly dried, remained oblivious to the sparse crowds visiting his Great American State Fair. When you look at some of the pathetic exhibits you understand why. No state seemed to put any energy into it. Certainly not Florida, which offered this lame postcard. The Northwest part of the state was cut off for some reason. Maybe a reference to global warning, although it is highest part of the state.


You would think for something as big as this, the Trumpsters would go all out, call in the big boys to do something really special to wow the crowds, but it was literally like no one cared. Still, the MAGA faithful pitched up, including these clowns with white rags over their faces, waving a myriad of white supremacist flags amongst American flags to give themselves away. 

The only thing that would have made it more complete would have been another assassination attempt, but Trump was thoroughly protected by bullet proof glass when he took center stage. He scanned the crowd with his beady eyes and estimated at least 150,000 still in attendance. How many actually remained after all the thunderstorm warnings is anyone's guess, but he seemed proud just the same.

Nevertheless, countries sent there best wishes and American cities staged their own celebrations. We got to see tall ships in New York harbor, reminiscent of the Bicentennial celebration, which was years in the planning and truly a big event.

This thing appeared as if it was sketched out on McDonald's napkins and thrown together at the last minute. The flimsy state fair truly an abomination. Most people herded around the chain-link fence to see the sorry state of the reflecting pond.

We can try again in 50 years. Not that many of us will still be around. Certainly not Donald Trump or any of his offspring except maybe his 11 grandkids, including budding golfer Kai, who seems to have become the apple of Donald's eye. We're stuck with these Trumps for a long time to come.

Anyway, it is over and we can go back to whatever it was we were doing. No more reflecting pond memes or Ice Ice Baby memes. I kind of feel sorry for Vanilla Ice as this was supposed to be his shining hour with all the other entertainers having pulled out of the big show. Maybe Donald will invite him to Mar-a-Lago.


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